It has been an exhausting day. There’s a living conflict inside my vein as I write this short note. Two sides unable to reflect each other’s fate dawn in my mind: the dullness and dry season of the persons inside the room, and the inevitable argument about two opinions. I will start on the first one.
I poured out my energy into a pitcher, then to clear glasses for the persons inside the room to drink. But they didn’t finish the drink. It was my fault, I blamed myself, but who will tell me now that it’s not? Of course, no one other than myself. But won’t that sound narcissistic and self-centered? I don’t want to drink my own pride.
As I continued with my lessons, still offering the drink I prepared, the pitcher started to tremble and lose its spell. I heaved, dry and filled with air, but I did this without the persons in side the room. It was as if an imaginary sci-fi character stormed into the room and killed the blazing glory my mind had carried. It was all gone, more than dusts that got caught in the wind.
Then here came the second case. The Almighty asked me for an equivalent of a word, trying to sound curious, but the snide was a well-meant, hidden agenda. He didn’t want the equal sign to be about gender, but personality. How could you deliver such if the only word breathing at this very moment lies on the matters of sex? I delivered. I gave. It turned into a series of topics until two sides produced fire. I had to be the one to douse the flames with my own iced tongue.
He meant well, or at least my rational side tried to reason this with me. I so hope or else my respect will be reduced into brown, crispy leaves, stomped down until pulverized. The word “disappointment” won’t be enough to describe the swirl of emotion I feel. But it’s for the best. It’s not a burden, but an awakening. There will still be dark days where the only person I can rely on will be myself. In those days, I know I need to do my best to come out survived, even if broken and bruised.
I don’t like how the day has turned out, but I am grateful for it. After all, the experience is a learning tool for good days.
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