I write on impulse and publish it raw. The beauty of a craft lies in its sore form, but even I cannot last on making myself believe this is right. Wherever side I look, I always find that I need to polish it, edit it, and take care of it before I show it to the readers, to the “just” world. I cannot help, but still do it often.
I should be mad at myself for being disappointed whenever I receive a rejection letter from online literary journals because I should know my stories are not good enough for their publication. I have always thought my stories are special, that they are better than the other writings on that website, but it is such a shame for me to think this. In reality, mine will never be as good as theirs—yours—unless I take charge of the change my stories need.
I write emotions, the sensations the characters feel rather than show the readers what I see. I intend to let the readers create the characters of my stories without my help in physical descriptions, to let you build your own from my draft, but I fall short. Not every reader wants incoherent and senseless, poetic-isque crafts that don’t mean anything.
It has always been my problem—writing metaphors and personifications, thinking it would make some magic. It has become the safe house to me and now, it becomes the hindrance to my aspiration of a fiction writing career.
I plan to resolve these blockages through online courses or experimenting with various writing styles and voices until I find the formula that satisfies both my readers and me. Maybe it’s time to stop writing for myself and do it for the audience. Maybe.
I will continue with my verbose method because I love it and I find warmth in it; I need it when I cannot express these pent-up frustrations and failures of mine in any mediums. At the same time, I don’t want to stagnate in the same wave. I want to grow from here, to test the waters and see how I can develop further. But I hope I will not lose myself and the voice I’ve grown accustomed to along the way.
WORD COUNT: 376
Thank you for reading this story. If you want to talk about random things with me, do not hesitate to reach me through my “Contact” page. All the best love, my dear.