On my way home earlier, I was waiting for the bus to come in the midst of the vacant road. The crisp frost of the evening bit my skin, but I waited until the screen showed that the bus was about to arrive. When it did, it passed by me without stopping, leaving me stranded in the middle of the early night after waiting for 14 minutes under the cold embrace of the winter wind.
I fumed. No, I was beyond the state of rage. I threw strings of curses at the driver and told myself I had just won a fake argument. I curled my fists, unable to control the seethe leaking in my veins, and let out a short shout of frustration. I held back for a moment. I realized how the anger glued me in my position and did not allow me to do anything. I exhaled a suppressed-madness breath and walked to the metro station.
While I was walking, a thought blossomed in my mind. The patience died in my blood. I wanted to believe that I killed it, and perhaps I truly did, but there were pungent poison drops that drowned it until it dried and scraped itself. Or it might have been resurrected in a renewed transfiguration, I thought. My patience underwent a surgery and now poses itself as a formidable steel to bend. I smile. Throughout the former hours, the theme on misconceptions has reflected my year and has spoken volumes louder than any hymns and tones. From this vision, I picked up spectrums of thorns and pleasures I have had this year as I linger to welcome a new series of days and nights.
I recount the persons I have loved and looked at as a reflection of self. I embroidered my faith on them, dismissing my foolishness to rely on them for my supply of happiness. As we traversed the life’s tunnel, I noticed the lack of oxygen refill in my tank as they kept draining mine without reciprocating. For months, I continued further until recognition of the detrimental situation knocked me down alive. I cut the ties I had with them and breathing became a little bit easier.
I resurfaced and thought I was in a better health, but I became lonely and alone. I turned into a quiet, independent being with a huge surge of desire for company. Where could I find the right one? I had no idea. Between the glory mornings and restless nights, I tended to myself. I pushed away possible relationships for the fear of violations of trust, but I longed for their conversations and inclusions of my fragile heart. I called out and told myself, “bring your mind to a ripe age.” And this mission I did my best to succeed.
I nurtured myself and fostered what I could reap in the future. I marketed myself to the ages far beyond my range to induce and provoke maturity in experience, personality and life of self. I skipped the humor in the young years and invested my time growing with the right balance between sarcasm, insinuation and dashes of funny bones. I deviated from the usual, comical scene of the young adult timeline, but kept my touch in its roots. It was the perfect time to focus on myself and be selfish after years of selflessness. It was time to admire what I could do for myself.
I have had tons of disappointments and ground crashes this year than the previous years. The tilt of the universe damaged the orbs of positivity I had had, but it did not turn into ashes rather a monument. It is not that I am less pleased than usual, but I have a keen sense of contentment and the jubilant energy that I have now has reached its prime of life rather than its ecstasy. I have a new definition of my own happiness and though it is not what it used to, it broke the barriers to let me have my spine of bright lights.
I finished 2018 with a dragon’s breath and a lion’s amulet. I was challenged, but I conquered all. The fruits of my seeds were brought by the patience, virtue, and faith that I shaped into a strong force. I will carry them with me this new year.
To say that I am grateful for all the rights, honors, and privileges I have had is beyond the ordinary expression of a human’s tongue. I have taken fresh ventures for my career and life in general, and I know the road will have barbs and spikes, but my armor and gauntlet are ready. I am prepared for yet another sequences of shortcomings and rises.
I am enthusiastic for what the new year has in store for my optimistic spirit. The blossom phases will once again rocket.
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